Splinter Cell: CoOp Theater
by Bluecho
Summary: Join Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve, two of the best official unofficial Splinter Cell.
1. Navy Seals

Splinter Cell: Co-op Theater

Disclaimer: I don't own Splinter Cell or X-Play (Game Reviews, not porn), or Navy Seals or anything mentioned here.

We America needs a hero. When justice needs to be upheld. There is only one place to turn. Let us join special agent Bob and secret agent Steve, two of the best official unofficial splinter Cells.

In the cover of night, these two, using there amazing cunning and stealth, they will defend our liberties from those who wish us harm.

Steve and bob walk through a sewer.

Steve: Bob, get over here.

Bob: What?

Steve: Stop fooling around and let's just complete the mission.

Bob: Hey you want to play Navy Seals? I could be Bill Pasketon and you could be whoever else was in that movie.

Steve: No!

They get on a pipe and start to shimmy.

Bob: Come on!

-Steve hangs down and snaps the neck of hapless guard below-

Bob: Dude! You (Bleeping) killed that guy!

Steve: So?

Bob: That guy had the (Bleeping) job of patrolling the sewers and you kill him. Wait. What are you doing now?

Steve: -Takes body to downward-going pipe- Good-bye, Sewer boy. –Drops body into hole-

-Later inside building-

Steve: Let's just get the data from the computer.

Bob: OK –Shoots computer- What!

Steve: Great. Now we have to find another terminal.

-Minutes later, in a stylish TV room-

Steve: That would look great in my living room.

Bob: Hey, how 'bout we do a trading spaces. You could do my living room and I'll do your bathroom.

Steve: Yes. That's just what I need. To mess with your house while Navy Seals Sheen turns my house into a bad eighties movie.

Bob: Uh…It was made in the nineties.

Steve: That still doesn't change the fact that Bill Packston wasn't in it! –Shoots TV-

Bob: Dude.

-After much sneaking-

Bob: -Takes guard hostage- Hey buddy. Was Bill Packston in Navy Seals? Oh you don't want to talk, eh? Maybe this will refresh your memory. –Shoots computer-

Steve: What is wrong with you!

Bob: -Shoots Steve then walks over to revive him-

Steve: You shot me! You (Bleeping) shot me!

Bob: And I revived you.

Steve: Let's just keep going.

-They get ready to launch Bob at guards next to computer-

Steve: Alright, Navy Seals time. Just don't break the…-Bob hits guards and breaks computer in the process-…computer.

-Later, after trying to find another computer-

Steve: Just get those files.

Bob: -Downloads files, then web info appears- Hey! Bill Packston was in Navy Seals. IGM gave it a…

Steve: -Shoots computer- Let's just find the Vice-President and get out of here.

-Later-

Bob: -Takes another hostage-

Steve: Who is that!

Bob: Just go get the Vice-President.

-Seconds later when Bob and hostage are alone-

Bob: My partner just doesn't appreciate things.

-Meanwhile-

Steve: -Grabs Vice-President- Take it easy mister Vice-President. Just need you to cooperate.

Bob: -Spinning guard around- You are a very good dancer.

Steve: What Are You Doing!

Bob: Nothing!

Steve: Can we just do this?

-Takes guard and Vice-President to eye scan thing on wall-

Bob: -To Guard- Your hair smells like ginger.

-Does the dual person scan with hostages-

-Later-

Steve: OK. Let's just get out of here.

Bob: Which Navy Seal are you?

Steve: Well, I guess I'll be Bill Packston.

-Starts being shot at by machine gun in tunnel-

Steve: -Gets shot at-

Bob: Steve? STEVE! I'm coming! Navy Seals! –Gets shot as well-

"Mission Failed"

I got this from X-Play, the Greatest Show Ever! Funny as Hell!


	2. Thorax The Impaler

Splinter Cell: Co-Op Theater

**Disclaimer: Whatever is talked about here I do not own, especially Splinter Cell.**

-Steve walks in to the TV room to find Bob watching a Barbarian show-

Steve: What are you watching?

Bob: Grabnare the Wanderer.

Steve: What is it about?

Bob: Grabnare goes from town to town, mainly killing people.

Steve: Well, we need to get to work. Come on Bob.

Bob: I know not this Bob! I am Thorax the Impaler.

Steve: Oh God.

Bob: You like that? Or should I be Ramrod the Destroyer.

Steve: Let's just go.

-Later-

Steve: You do know that thorax is a part of an insect?

Bob: No, I spell it T. H. O. R. '. A…You get the idea.

Steve: -Kills some guards-

Bob: You have quite a spirit, fellow wanderer. I will call you Steve the Fegina.

Steve: I swear, if I didn't need you to get this done.

-Minutes later, they are to repel down a wall-

Steve: Just lower me down.

Bob: Thorax bows to no man! Feel my wrath! –Throws flash grenade at Steve-

Steve: AHHH!

Bob: How does it feel to be hit by a bolt of lighting from a god, mortal! –Throws another flash grenade-

Bob: Submit to my will!

Steve: Okay! Okay! I submit to your will!

Bob: And whose will is that?

Steve: Thorax the impaler.

Bob: Good! And who is submitting?

Steve: Steve.

Bob: Steve what?

Steve: Steve the Fegina.

Bob: Good. You may come up.

-Moments later-

Bob: Come on. It was a joke.

Steve: You threw grenades at me!

Bob: Only flash grenades. I wouldn't throw real grenades at you.

Steve: There are a bunch guards out there, just stay hidden.

Bob: Thorax hides from no man! –Runs toward guards-

Steve: Bob don't!

Bob: -Quickly kills all the guys-

Steve: Wow! That actually worked!

Bob: Thorax Impales All!

-Moments later, Bob and Steve are on the support beams above a whole lot of guards-

Steve: Look. It worked before it could work again. Let's go! Navy Seals! –Jumps down-

Bob: -Jumps down shortly after and revives Steve- And that is why you are Steve the Fegina.

Steve: Where were you! You were supposed to back me up!

Bob: Me know not fight when Me can't win.

-Both killed-

"Mission Failed"


End file.
